Yesterday was a bad day, today is better

This is one of those nonsensical rants that possibly only I will understand, but go for it.

So it started as a normal day. My younger son had an appointment at 9:30am to get lab work done. To start off, we live close enough to the lab to leave 20 mins before the appointment and still get there early, however we didn't get out the door until 9:15 so I knew we had to go straight there. So we are heading there and we hit construction, so I'm thinking I should have gone the other way, but too late now. One lane of traffic each way on a road that normally has 3 on each. So we're motoring along and we get to the lab and check in RIGHT at 9:30. At least we're not late right? So I give the lady behind the counter the paperwork and as it turns out, although the doctor said STAT he didn't write it on the paperwork. So the lady behind the counter says she can't add it. Oh well. So we sit in the waiting room for 20 mins and they finally call us back. Then we sit in the lab room for 10 mins before the tech gets there and she tells me she's the only one working today. SERIOUSLY! Okay, lab work is done. We go to the car and upon attempting to exit the parking lot, in my little white car that no one ever sees, a big old ginormous truck decides to come the wrong way through a one way lot and tries to run me over. Luckily he seemed to notice me at the last moment. Time to get my son something to eat before taking him to school. He wants McDonalds. So we head to McDonalds. Driving down the road and I get stuck behind a car doing 28 in a 45. And of course, everyone in the next lane is going 45, so I can't pass it. I honk and the car speeds up to about 35, and then gradually returns to 28. Finally, I pass HER and just as I'm moving back into the lane, she speeds up and almost hits me. OMG! ANYWAY, We are finally at the drive thru and we attempt to order a chicken sandwich, but it's 10:15 and they only serve breakfast until 10:30...okay, so we order a bacon/egg/cheese McGriddle combo instead. Way more expensive than the 99 cent chicken sandwich and a drink we were going to get. But it's okay. We pull up to the window and the guy hands me the drink and asks me, "bacon egg and cheese?" I say, "yes." He goes away for a bit, 5 minutes actually. When he comes back he says, "bacon egg and cheese biscuit." me: "Um, no. McGriddle." I pull out my receipt. He says, "does it say that on the receipt?" in a very condescending tone. And I say, "yep." So he leaves again. about 5 more minutes go by (they must be making it fresh?) and he comes back and gives me the right food. Before I can even pull out, he's already hanging the next person's order out the window. Now I'm taking my son to school. That went well.  So I'm driving to the next place and I catch myself spinning my left hand in circles above the steering wheel and saying out loud, "round and round it goes, where it stops, nobody knows." over and over again, until coming up to a red light where I thought, "I wonder what would happen if I just don't put on the brake?" This isn't the first time I've caught myself thinking this while driving down the road. This is a thought that truly worries me, because I really don't want to kill myself and I don't self harm. However when I'm driving on a bad day, sometimes I just think, "what if..." The thing that seems to snap me out of it and makes me stop the car is that  with my luck, I would live through it but wreck my car and have to explain the reason I just drove through a red light to a police officer, or my family and friends. Moving on...I went to the school my kids will be going to next year to fill out their registration packets, then the auto parts store to get an air filter for my car. Drove to my mom's where my mom and I located the place to put in the filter and then replaced it, easy peasy! So I went with mom to the beauty school to get a haircut, man they take forever there. One of my ex boyfriends calls to see what I'm up to. I imagine for a booty call or something. But I politely turn him down with the excuse that I will be busy all day because although I don't want to go there again, I don't want to make him upset with me either (I have non-confrontational issues.) Now during the haircut, I rode with my mom there in her car while my step-dad washed my car. You would think that'd be great, it wasn't. When we got back to mom's house, my step-dad proceeded to lecture me about the state in which I "didn't" keep my car clean on the inside. So I left there just slightly pissed considering all the buttons that have been pushed on this lovely day. So by 3 o'clock when I picked up my younger 2 kids from school, I was totally a wreck. I was never going to my mom's house again and didn't want to ever leave my house again either.

The good news is, today I still got up and got out of the house, went to the store with my mom and even went to my mom's house. I functioned today, in spite of myself. In spite of the rotten day before (more than one bad day this week actually...but that's not important)

And you know what? I owe it all to Jenny Lawson, a.k.a. The Bloggess. I just finished reading her first (and only so far) book Let's Pretend This Never Happened. I learned to keep going even after a total meltdown. I realized I'm not alone in the feelings I have. If you are here, you are probably here BECAUSE of Jenny's site http://www.thebloggess.com but if you aren't here because of her, you should go check her out. She is not for the judgmental or the easily offended, but she is honest and beautiful and funny and (right now) my favorite person on the internet. And if you are Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess, "Thank you Jenny, for being you!"

My Beautiful Daughter

This is Brag Book Day for me

My daughter is beautiful, talented, intelligent, funny, ambitious and today she was baptized. Anyone who has read my blog so far knows that I am not a religious person, so you should know that this was in no way my doing...it's all her. Which I find absolutely wonderful. She is 9 years old and completely and totally in control of her life. She gets excellent grades, she's a Girl Scout, she has faith, she is good with computers, she's articulate and VERY charming. Everyone I introduce her to tells me how pleasant and beautiful she is. One day, an elderly Asian woman came running up to us in a parking lot and in her broken English told me how pretty she thought my daughter was. I was a little scared because I wasn't sure what she was saying and I wasn't sure of her intentions. Anyway, today was a PROUD MOM moment.

Light It Up Blue - Autism Speaks

http://lightitupblue.org/Markslist/home.do

Nonsensical Rambling

So I noticed today that I hadn't wrote down anything in two whole weeks. I guess that's a sign things are going better than usual. After all, I usually only write when there is something bothering me. So guess what? There is nothing bothering me, but I felt like updating anyway. This post will pertain to a time prior to my last post, but I wasn't in the right place to post about this yet.

It's the season of Lenten within the Catholic/Episcopal churches (maybe others too, I don't know) and for Lent, I intended to give up bologna sandwiches. Not a major thing, but an unhealthy thing that I have on a daily basis. Well, I never realized how much I desired them until I wasn't allowed to eat them...lol. So, I failed at my Lent task at least 5 times so far, and I still have just over 3 weeks to go. One good thing I also gave up was checking up on the status of my ex-friend, who had been making my life miserable, too see what she was saying about me on Facebook. That part, I have succeeded at. And amazingly enough, although I still think about all the crap occasionally, I feel 1000% better. It's funny. I'm not a very religious person, but I decided I was going to do this for my kids. I still don't necessarily believe in, "one true God, above all others," mostly because I am a very scientific person and have yet to see inconclusive evidence that that is the case. However, there was this little rock they gave us at church the Sunday before Ash Wednesday. We were told to "pray" all the bad we had done, and has been done to us, into this rock and then bring it back to church the following week and give the bad to God. So I did this, and turned in my rock the Sunday after Ash Wednesday. Went about my day and later that afternoon I got horrifically ill. I was so sick, (excuse the graphic nature of this) that it was literally coming out of both ends. I was sitting on the toilet with a bucket on my lap. Fever of 101.xx and I could barely move. When I looked in the mirror, I was actually the color green. That is how sick I was. The next morning, I woke up and felt mostly fine, slight remnants of recovering from an illness. Took it easy for the day. But basically, after all that, within a couple weeks it seemed the stress and anxiety of the previous few months was gone.

I don't honestly believe that one has anything to do with the other, but it would be nice to think that maybe there is something to it, whether subconscious or spiritual in nature. No matter what, I just generally have felt pretty upbeat about my life over the last couple weeks.

Thanks for reading ;)

What Is my diagnosis? I mean, REALLY!?

I mean I know that people throw around words like crazy, insane, psycho and even the big one schizophrenic.

Lately has been a bit rough for me. Other people's crazy has been fucking with my mellow. I have been off my meds for years now, by my choice, AMA. Over the last couple of months, I have been catching myself arguing with people, out loud, who are not even there, days/weeks/months AFTER the disagreements. Then I yell at myself for it. I have become completely terrified that I might end up doing this in public. These are full arguments. I hear the other person's voice responding to my arguments about the argument. I am scared. I don't want to go back to the doctor. I am always afraid that they might lock me up and take my kids away. I mean, logically I know that is not even remotely likely to happen, but emotionally...it doesn't make the thoughts go away. Logic doesn't always win. My brain KNOWS things don't work that way. You see, one time, one psychiatrist told me that I was schizophrenic and had no right having children. So I guess it's always in the back of my mind. Then the anxiety takes over.

I have seen lots of psychiatrists since then though. None of the others think I'm schizophrenic. Some think I'm Bi-Polar, others have said I just have Multiple Mood Disorders coupled with Anxiety.

Anxiety...now that's the one I completely feel. ALL THE TIME! Daily/Weekly/Monthly even Yearly. All the fucking time. It hurts, in my stomach, my chest, my head; heartburn, nausea, migraines. You name it.

So right now, I am sitting here. Just sitting here. Over-analyzing every feeling, every thought. I still don't have any answers. I feel a little better now, but I still don't know if what I am dealing with would constitute Voices in my head.

I just felt like writing this all down

Recently I have been so upset by a person I knew for a short time. I had been a wreck with all of her drama for months before I stepped aside and decided I wasn't going to deal with it anymore. That was just after Thanksgiving and it keeps rolling in. I am doing so poorly at this point that I am losing sleep over it and feel sick and stressed all the time. I have deleted people off my Facebook that may have associations with people who may have associations with her. I have had to block my Facebook page so that anyone not on my list can not see or message me at all. And anytime I try to defend myself, everything I say gets twisted and skewed. I haven't the energy to deal with this anymore and my most recent responses in this matter have been posted publicly on Facebook. To look at her page, you would think I was out to get her. You would think I intended to torment her and ruin her. All because I met the guy she was having an affair with that she had me believing was her boyfriend. When I found out the truth, I tried to reason with her and discovered that she was completely disillusioned about the whole thing. She has even gone as far as to tell me that things I was witness to happened in a different way. All making her out to be the victim of some malicious plot. She's claiming I hacked her accounts/emails and shared her private information with people. She claims that I am obsessed with the guy that she was having the affair with. I worry each night when I go to bed about the fact that this person knows where I live and where my children go to school. But I have no concrete evidence that it is her writings that are the delusion and not mine. So legally, there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. In an effort to protect myself, online at least, I changed all of my e-mails and passwords for everything I do. Tacked on extra security measures in places where that is possible. I have changed my network configurations at home to only allow hardware that I own to connect. I feel like I sound paranoid. But if it's true, is it paranoia? I do not know how far this will go. There has been no personal contact other than online since November 2011. I have had people, one was a mutual friend and one a person I had never met, send me messages on her behalf in an "attempt to help." I have archived all of that for my own protection, but I don't know that anything in these messages would hold up as proof because without the context and history, they would not read as threatening. I have tried to screenshot as much actual page data as I can from her Facebook wall, but she will frequently delete the posts shortly after someone will comment on them. I have since blocked her Facebook and any of her friends who had met me and/or contacted me. I don't even know if this makes sense and I am sure it's not in chronological order in any way. I just needed a place to vent. If you read this, thanks for making it this far. I feel better just getting it typed out.

Ranting and Raving

I feel like I should write more frequently but honestly, I don't lead a very exciting life so I really don't know what to write. This post will be pretty random and may or may not make sense.

I have 3 children, 2 disabled. Disabled in the sense that they are categorized as "emotionally disabled." My oldest son is now 18. When he was about 5, a co-worker suggested I apply for social security disability for him. I did, and within a few months I was receiving SSI benefits on his behalf. What a relief it was. When he was 6, he was hit by a car; he obviously survived since he is 18 now. There are "hush" circumstances, but basically at about 8 years old, my son ended up with a small trust fund, called a "restricted account". At about 13 years old in 2007, social security wanted "additional information" regarding this "restricted account." I submitted all the paperwork and everything was fine until 2 years later in 2009, then they were questioning it again. At this point they attempted to cease SSI benefit payments. We filed an appeal and it was decided in our favor. Then the following year, 2010, they did it again. This time they stopped the benefits without notifying me. By the time I found out what had happened, it was too late to continue benefits during the appeal process AND they want us to pay them back for all benefits paid from Jan 2008-April 2010. So, we have appealed this and are still playing the appeal process game. The biggest catch is that they are deeming the "restricted account" as an asset, even though we have had no access to it. Now, as I mentioned before, I have another disabled child. He has Aspergers Syndrome. I am not able to apply for SSI benefits on his behalf because they take all income and assets into account for the entire household when determining eligibility. This week we had a hearing regarding the "restricted account" because my son is an adult now and should be entitled to his money. However, because there is a pending case with the social security office, where they feel they are entitled to payment, the judge will not release the restriction on the account until the matter is resolved.

So to sum it all up, in 2010 they cut off my sons benefits due to an asset we had no access to, we cannot get benefits for my other disabled child and now, because of all of this, now that my son SHOULD have access to the "asset," he doesn't. The way I see it, the social security administration has been screwing over my family for years, but what can one person do?

My ups and downs with organized religion

I have never been a devoutly religious person. It may have been due to some bad experiences with several churches over the course of my childhood.

Experience Number One:  As a child, maybe 6 or 7, these people in a school bus stopped on our street and showed us kids some magic tricks. They then told us that we could come to their church for Sunday school on their bus. My parents agreed to let me go to church on the bus each Sunday. I went for awhile and during Sunday school they used to do a prayer session where we could have a group prayer for whatever anyone wanted to pray about. I was a child, and did not know what depression looked like, so I thought my mom was always sick. So each week, my prayer request was for my mom to get better. One week during prayer session, I requested my usual prayer and the Sunday school teacher told me, "You always want to pray for your mom, how about you pray for something else?" That was the last Sunday I got on that bus.

Experience Number Two: At 9 years old, we moved to Florida. My grandma knew some people who were sending their kids to a church summer camp. Seeing as how we had just moved and weren't really settled, my parents decided it would be a good idea to send me to camp. COMPLETELY UNPREPARED. We packed my clothes, and my grandma got me a new blue jean purse and a cute leather change purse, with some money for the snack area and that was it. I get there and there are bunk beds, I was thinking, "Cool! I've never been on a bunk bed." We drop our stuff off at our bunks and dive into camp activities. Coming back to the bunks, I find out that people have their own sheets, pillows, blankets, sleeping bags, etc. I of course have none of these, and of course neither do the bunk beds. So there I am, in a strange place, with strange people, and I'm the only one with no bedding. A couple of nice girls at camp let me use a sheet and a sleeping bag. A few days into camp and I am approached by staff at my bunk. They ask me about my coin purse and how I have the money folded and how much I have. Apparently, one of those "nice" girls who I thought was my friend, claimed I took her money and it was in my coin purse. They call my parents and keep all my money. I spend the rest of camp with no funds and being treated like a thief. I have never been to camp again.

Experience Number Three: Now I am about 15 this time. I like this boy and as it turns out, he lives next door to a church. Me and my friend start hanging out at the church and eventually are invited to join the church's youth group. We go to meetings and events with the church's youth group and everything is all fun and games. I guess it turned out to be less about the boy (who did not attend that church, just lived next door to it) and more about an escape from my home life (That is for another post, another time.) One evening at the youth group meeting, we were watching a movie and having snacks. My friend and I were sitting in the back and being goofy, and maybe a little rambunctious, but hey were were teenage girls. We were actually asked to leave and not return because we were, "not taking this seriously." So, I didn't come back.

Okay, so experience number three was mostly my own doing, I was there for the wrong reasons and not behaving properly. But I was under the impression that church was the place to go when you were a troubled youth, and that I was.


At 15, I also went to a Catholic service in Spanish, so I had no idea what was going on, which oddly enough, I saw that boy from experience number three there as well.

At about 23 years old, I discovered the internet. This is where I started doing some hardcore reading on Witchcraft. I played with that a bit, took some online e-mail "witch" classes. Once I realized that witchcraft was not what you read about or see on TV, I moved on to Paganism. I have played around with the Pagan ideas for many years, but never got extremely serious, or devoutly, involved in it.

I also attended a LDS service about 2 years ago with my next door neighbors because my daughter went to church with them and wanted me to go too.

Jumping into present age me, I am 35 and now my daughter wants to go to the church that her Girl Scout troop meets at. So the first Sunday in November 2011, we go to church. Everyone is friendly, there is a coffee hour, Sunday school, Traditional and Contemporary services. We have gone almost every week since. In fact, we only missed the one service on new years because it was a combined service, so everyone from three different services were going to the one service together, my social anxiety would have killed me. My daughter signed up for the Christmas Pageant and got to be an angel. Some of the families from Girl Scouts and the church pitched in when they heard we were not going to have anything for Christmas. All together, they raised over $300 for my family in less than a week. We had the best Christmas ever, and had some money leftover for gas and groceries. It has been wonderful.

Now, I am not saying that I believe in "one true God" or that there is even a God at all. My mom says this experience is proof that there is a God, but I say it is only proof that there are still good people in this world. So I will continue to go to this church as long as they will have me. I will keep an open mind even though every time they talk about angels descending from heaven, I picture aliens descending from space ships. I will help my fellow man, just as they have helped us. "Do unto others," right? 

Pouncer

So Today I called the veterinarian to get my newest cat, Lucy, fixed. While I was on the phone, the receptionist decided now was a good time to update my chart with a more accurate list of my current pets. She asked me if I still had Little Bit, Buddy, Maggie and then Venus. Last she asked me if I still had Pouncer. I started to cry. Although at this time, I do not have any of the previous cats any longer, for various reasons, none of them struck the chord that my Pouncer did.

In April of 2000 my friend Becci was going to look at kittens and mentioned that there were two solid white ones in the litter, one boy and one girl. I told her I wanted the white girl because I had always wanted a solid white cat and she said okay and went to look at the kittens. Well when she got back, she hands me this little white kitten, with just a thin grey line running vertical down it's forehead. Not quite "solid white" but close enough. Then I notice that it has one blue eye and one green eye. OMG! That is so cool! I'm getting all excited and then I notice...it's a BOY. Now I hate having boy cats because they spray EVERYTHING. So I'm a little upset and I ask Becci, why she didn't bring me the girl one. Her response is, "I didn't like her face, this one is cuter." Fine, whatever, I have him now, I'm just going to have to deal with it. So I cuddle him and play with him. I was even going to name him David Bowie. He was cute but he mostly hid under my bed for the first two weeks. About a week into having him, he would climb up on my bed while I was sleeping and would attack my feet. Not like a normal, claw and attack, but he would "pounce" around on my bed. Like he was hunting prey. So I changed his name to Pouncer. I loved Pouncer, he would lay on my head at night and lick my hair. He used to sit back inside my desk on the part behind the keyboard tray, where it was solid for holding a computer tower, and he would attack my hands while I was typing.

The flash somehow switched his blue eye to yellow with
 a green pupil and his green eye to blue with a red pupil.
(Pouncer - 2001)

He was my best friend and as he grew up, he just kept getting bigger, and bigger. Even the vet when holding him said, "Wow, this is a big cat. And he's solid too." He was by no means fat, he was all muscle and my love bug. The worst thing he ever did was when I was pregnant with my younger son (He's 10 now,) Pouncer got jealous so he "marked" me. It was disgusting and funny at the same time. Because we all know, he did it solely because he loved me so much. He was an indoor/outdoor cat. One day in May 2006, the city had set up to remodel the sidewalks and they were doing a lot of construction type work outside. They were loud and had big tractors. I do not know if the noise drove him away, or if he got caught up in all the equipment (you know cats love to sleep in car/truck/tractor engines,) if a dog got him, or anything else...but I never saw him again. Anyway, I loved Pouncer and we had some good years. I miss him dearly.

My Son and His Most Recent Accident

     So on Wednesday at about 6 PM I get a call from my oldest son (he will be 18 on Monday and is mentally disabled.) He tells me, "Guess what Mom! I ran into a car with my bike." My mind, of course, goes to, "Crap, how much is this going to cost?" But like a good mom, instead I ask, "Are you okay?" After some conversing and a little more detail I realize that he meant that he ran into a MOVING car. Yes, a moving car on the main road, that was driving 45 MPH! Now I'm all like, "Oh Shit! Are you sure you're okay? Where are you?" He says, "At Luna's," all calm like nothing is wrong. So I'm thinking, "Okay, he's fine then. He went off to his friend's house, didn't go to the hospital or anything." So he proceeds to tell me that the lady he ran into stopped, checked to see if he was okay, then moved her car out of the road and called the police. At this point (yes, I'm a little slow) I'm realizing that he left the scene of an accident, "Crap!" He could not identify the vehicle for me or anything. He took off because he was afraid he would get in trouble for jay walking because I am forever telling him that jay walking is a crime. Now, because he was on a bicycle, I don't know that it would be considered jay walking, but anyway...He is okay. About an hour and a half later, he calls me and says, "I think I'm going to need a sling. I can't lift my arm or bend my elbow." Now I'm back to, "Crap! Okay, where are you, I'll come get you and take you to the hospital." I have my mom come over to babysit my two younger children, 10 and 9. I go get him, he's holding his arm and can barely walk and he tells me, "My 360 is broke." Me: "What?" Him: "Yea, it was in my backpack, when I fell, it broke." Me: "Okay well, we'll worry about that later." Him: "Okay." I load his bike in the car and we go to the hospital. By the time we get there, it's after 7 PM.

     Now, at the hospital, we check in. They get him back fairly quickly, bypassing other people who were there waiting. They ask a million questions about what happened, how it happened, whose fault is it, where it happened and at what time. In less than an hour, we've been moved from the Emergency Room to Pediatrics (because you see, he's not actually 18 until Monday.) About 9 PM, we finally get the X-rays done and then wait another hour for the doctor. As it turns out, his foot is not broken but his ankle is sprained and there's no visible break in his arm but the extreme swelling in the joint indicates that there is an "invisible fracture" that will be visible within 3-5 days. So another hour later, they finally come and put what is called a splint cast on his arm (kind of like a half of a cast that goes up the length of his arm, around the back of the elbow and halfway up his upper arm and then wrapped with a bandage) and an ace bandage on his ankle. We get home about 5 mins to midnight and we are done.



     Enter Thursday, I call the local police department to make sure that the report was filed from the hospital. Apparently, although they ask a million questions about what happened and where, when and how, they do not however, make a police report. So I make the police report. The officer on the phone tells me a report was filed by the driver of the car. She did the right thing. My son did not. Another officer calls me back and in a more of a statement toned question, "I understand your son is my hit and run suspect." Me: "Umm, yes, I guess so." Thinking to myself, "Hit and run suspect? Really?" The officer and I talk briefly, where I explain to him that my son is mentally disabled so although he is 17 and almost an adult, he really isn't responsible enough to be held accountable for his decision to leave the scene of the crime. The officer asks to speak to him and so I put him on the phone. They talk for a short while and I can sort of overhear the conversation. They discussed my son's injuries and the damages to my son's belongings and damages to the car that he ran into. Then they discussed the legalities involving getting a traffic ticket for illegally crossing the road vs. the illegality of leaving the scene of a crime. My son seems to understand, explains he was scared and did not know about not leaving being a crime. At this point my son gives me back the phone and I ask the officer, "Is he in trouble?" The officer was very nice, and seemed understanding, he told me, "No, I'm not filing any charges against him." I am relieved, and we talk for a little longer, exchange pleasantries, he gives me the record number for the report and we say goodbye.
I would just like to say that I really appreciate the understanding of everyone involved. The driver of the car was more worried about my son, than the damages to her vehicle, the hospital staff and the local police department officers were all understanding and non-judgemental throughout the whole thing. It's been a long couple of days and to top it off, this is not my son's first, and probably not his last, encounter with a moving vehicle. I swear he will be the death of me.

Depression

Today, or yesterday considering it's after 1am, I read a wonderful post from @thebloggess at http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-fight-goes-on that inspired me to write this post. So here it goes, thank you Jenny Lawson a.k.a. The Bloggess.

Different psychiatrists have told me different things. when I was 19 it was postpartum depression and was given prozac and Xanax, at 22 it was schizophrenia (and was told I had no right being a parent), at 23 I was back to depression and given Paxil. A couple more pregnancies (and obviously no meds) before I sought help again at 31 (after a complete and total breakdown at a Wal-Mart self checkout counter), and now it's Bi-Polar coupled with Social Anxiety Disorder. Don't remember the meds that time because I was on like 5 different ones at once. By this point, I was over 300lbs due to side effects of meds and depressed eating, so at 32 I see a different psychiatrist who treats me for Bi-Polar with multiple mood disorders and multiple Anxiety Disorders. At 33, I am told, "you're not Bi-Polar or Schizophrenic, you're just severely Depressed and need to force yourself to socialize more, have you thought of joining a social group like 'Meetup.com'?" by a case manager at the mental health clinic. I left there in tears. I am now going to be 36 and have been off my meds ever since...My mom says I am definitely "borderline schizophrenic" and she believes this because my father was a "Paranoid Schizophrenic with Bi-Polar tendancies" at one point he was told he was "Manic Depressive with ADHD." I am a single mother with 3 children (18, 10 & 9), I have lost some weight (I am down to a fluctuating 245-250) and I just muddle through and spend most of my time seeking solace on the internet.