Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Today, or yesterday considering it's after 1am, I read a wonderful post from @thebloggess at http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-fight-goes-on that inspired me to write this post. So here it goes, thank you Jenny Lawson a.k.a. The Bloggess.
Different psychiatrists have told me different things. when I was 19 it was postpartum depression and was given prozac and Xanax, at 22 it was schizophrenia (and was told I had no right being a parent), at 23 I was back to depression and given Paxil. A couple more pregnancies (and obviously no meds) before I sought help again at 31 (after a complete and total breakdown at a Wal-Mart self checkout counter), and now it's Bi-Polar coupled with Social Anxiety Disorder. Don't remember the meds that time because I was on like 5 different ones at once. By this point, I was over 300lbs due to side effects of meds and depressed eating, so at 32 I see a different psychiatrist who treats me for Bi-Polar with multiple mood disorders and multiple Anxiety Disorders. At 33, I am told, "you're not Bi-Polar or Schizophrenic, you're just severely Depressed and need to force yourself to socialize more, have you thought of joining a social group like 'Meetup.com'?" by a case manager at the mental health clinic. I left there in tears. I am now going to be 36 and have been off my meds ever since...My mom says I am definitely "borderline schizophrenic" and she believes this because my father was a "Paranoid Schizophrenic with Bi-Polar tendancies" at one point he was told he was "Manic Depressive with ADHD." I am a single mother with 3 children (18, 10 & 9), I have lost some weight (I am down to a fluctuating 245-250) and I just muddle through and spend most of my time seeking solace on the internet.