Saturday, September 29, 2012

Sometimes Dad's Suck (updated)

Over the course of the last week I have had a long tedious argument with my dad on facebook about the history of the pledge and freedom of religion, civil rights, and gay marriage. To me it all boils down to everyone having the right to live their life and respecting everyone's right to do so.

In this conversation I sent my dad an e-mail and I ended it with,

"I do love you and I do respect your beliefs. I however feel like you don't respect mine which is why I continue to argue. Mom says it's because I was raised by you and I'm just like you. So maybe we should agree to not discuss it any further ever again? What do you say?"

Well, I got a long drawn out response about how God saved him and how he's chosen to ignore some of my facebook posts about women's rights, gay rights, and political debates. Never once did he say he respected my right to have my beliefs, in fact he basically said, yea let's not talk about it anymore or else I won't love you anymore.

"I think your Mom is right, there are some things we really shouldn't discus. I do love you and would like to keep it that way"

So if we don't agree, and we discuss it, he can't love me anymore? Seriously? I wanted to tell him to FUCK OFF!! But being the respectful daughter I told him

" I noticed that in your response you did not dispute the fact that I said I feel like you don't respect my choice of beliefs and that says a lot to me about our relationship. I am glad that your beliefs have helped you get through your tough, even toughest times. But you also have to realize that I have gone through some really tough times as well without having the same beliefs. We should all respect eachother's beliefs. This is the last I plan to say on the subject but just remember that in all of our years I have never told you I thought your thoughts or beliefs were bullshit, but over and over you have told me that mine are."

I have to get off here now, but I needed to share this. I am hurt more deeply than I ever believed possible by the man who raised me as his own, even though he is technically my ex-step-father, he is and has been as far back as I can remember, my dad.

update: got a couple of new emails from my dad, but basically it boils down to he said he didn't mean it the way I took it. I feel better but nothing is really better. Mostly I just realized he is insensitive unintentionally and it's just the way things are.

1 comment:

  1. Both my parents are pretty much like this, only my dad goes so far as to tell me a tv show I like is of the devil, and my mother never really forgave me for having my own brain. I really don't know what is wrong with people. Maybe they don't do it intentionally, and I think strong moral boundaries were the glue back their own day or something, but no one should ever have to earn love from someone else by agreeing with them. It's painful, but I'd rather walk away than play a head game. Thankfully, I think I've learned enough from my own experiences not to do that to my own kids...