Disclaimer: Titles of my posts will NOT necessarily mean what you think they should. These are just my personal thoughts and feelings and I do not, even slightly, intend for my posts to be taken as a source of "helpful" information. This is solely a diary. Read at your own risk.
So I was looking at the preceding site today. I had previously taken the test on behalf of my son prior to having his doctor evaluate him for Asperger's Syndrome and for fun decided to take the test for myself. I scored a 37. Rightfully so, the site suggests anyone scoring 32 or above should seek medical advice. One of my biggest symptoms includes the inability to ask for assistance or in anyway be confrontational. I know that some people don't see those as the same, but to me they are. You see, anything that makes me anxious, relates to myself as confrontational. If, in the act of doing something, I feel I have to explain myself, it becomes confrontational. Now all of the mixed diagnoses that I have gotten over the years could most likely fit neatly into an Asperger's diagnoses and suddenly have an, "A-ha! That's what's wrong with me" kind of response. But I'm not feeling the "A-ha!" moment. Instead I'm feeling the, "It's all my fault my children have mental disorders and I should have known better that to have multiple children after knowing there was something wrong with the first one that the doctors tried to convince me to abort 5 months into my pregnancy because my initial screenings came back Downs Syndrome, but then the genetic testing came back as not Downs, so they were terrified it could be something completely different and probably worse" moments. So now I feel like i suck and I feel the depression coming on but I'm fighting it. I probably shouldn't have taken the test today anyway because I was already feeling a bit edgy and snippy beforehand. I've had what one can only assume is a stress headache now for almost a month and my medically diagnosed irritable bowel has been acting up. It's a slippery slope to be standing on I do believe. So far, I'm still standing though. And that is a plus. Mostly because I'm still standing AND I'm talking about it. Maybe not to real life human beings, but I am sharing it on the interwebs. I know you are real life human beings, but I don't see your judgement, so it's less like you are real to me. And now, I'm off to pet my cat.